Anti-Big Government Protestors Protest Lack of Portable Toilets

WASHINGTON D.C. -- After three hours of marching, chanting anti-tax slogans and singing "God Bless America" Lewis Able Martin II of McClellanville, S.C., was hoarse and thirsty. So Martin chugged a two liter bottle of Coca Cola, which sated his thirst but led to an even more pressing issue: the need for relief.

Unfortunately for Martin, there are scant toilet facilities available on the National Mall. Martin's wife, Glory Lee Martin, had ducked into the Natural History Museum earlier in the day but the line for the popular museum -- as well as the ones closer to the east side of the Capitol, where the protestors had converged -- had grown to over 10 minutes. Martin didn't want to leave the march for that long for fear of missing his home state senator, Jim DeMint, speak.

Ms. Martin hadn't known where to find a toilet until she asked a National Park Service police officer, who politely suggested she try the nearby museum, which offers free admission. Asked why she was attending the protest, she said that she and her husband were protesting "waste, fraud, abuse and the millions of useless government bureaucrats wasting my hard-earned, illegitimately seized money."

When a reporter pointed out that the police officer's salary was paid for by federal government funds, Martin replied begrudgingly, "One good apple in a barrel of rotten ones doesn't make them all good."

Mr. Martin said that if there had been enough portable toilets provided the crisis would have been averted. "They hauled in a million port-a-potties for the inauguration of Parasite-in-Chief Obama," Martin said. "They should at least do the same for us patriots."

In fact, the Presidential Inaugural Committee paid for the 5,000 portable toilets set up for Obama's inauguration.

Martin -- before he stumbled off with a pained look and awkward gait -- said that he would be writing a letter of protest to DeMint, as well as his representative, Henry E. Brown Jr., also a Republican.