Saturday, August 15, 2009

Yuppie Boycotts Whole Foods, Forced to Save Money By Buying Conventional Produce

SANTA MONICA, CA -- Health conscious, liberal, well-to-do food shoppers are showing their displeasure by going conventional.

Jerry Hackleberry, an environmental lawyer, was infuriated by an Op-ed penned by the CEO of Whole Foods on the topic of health care reform that criticized President Obama's plan. So he is showing his displeasure with his black card from American Express.

Typically a thrice-weekly Whole Foods shopper, Hackleberry has vowed to boycott the high-end grocery store known for carrying costly and organic foods until Whole Foods CEO and co-founder John Mackey is fired or recants. After skipping his usual Thursday grocery run, Hackleberry was forced to shop at Ralph's on Friday.

Hackleberry said he was shocked to encounter grapes for $.99 per pound and dismayed that organic grapes -- for which he typically pays $3.99 per pound at Whole Foods -- were not available. "The pesticides will be ruinous, but that's just a sacrifice I have to make," he said. "I'm going to try to compensate with extra yoga, acupuncture and meditation."

Also in Hackleberry's reuseable cloth bag were $.99 per pound peaches and Alta Dena milk, since they were out of his favored organic Horizon brand. Ralph's selection of organic eggs is not as extensive as Whole Foods but he was at least able to get vegetarian, free range brown eggs. But Hackleberry couldn't bring himself to buy non-organic meat. "$2.99 per pound for ground beef?" he noted skeptically, as he loaded his groceries into his Prius. "Something's very wrong with that. I never pay less than $6.99, even on sale."

In addition to engaging in a strident monologue with a Whole Foods checker earlier this week in which he lambasted the bewildered high school senior for Mackey's stance on health care, Hackleberry has also written letters to the editor of the Santa Monica Daily Press and Santa Monica Mirror.

He also intends to donate the approximately $150 in weekly savings from not shopping at Whole Foods to Democracy for America, a progressive group supporting health care reform.

Friday, August 14, 2009

'Squeaky' Fromme Invited to Town Hall

Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, failed assassin of President Gerald Ford, was released Thursday from prison after 34 years behind bars.

Upon her release, Fromme initially said that she was going to Disneyland. But in the time it would theoretically take for a lawyer to call her lawyer and offer an undisclosed settlement to never say that again or to visit the park, Fromme recanted.

A native Californian, Fromme was arrested on Sept. 5, 1975, at Capitol Park in Sacramento. She pointed a .45 Colt semi-automatic pistol at Ford. Although the pistol's magazine was loaded with four rounds the firing chamber itself was empty.

Concerns that she would be shunned by the everyone turned out to be unwarranted, however. Fromme said that a number of Second Amendment defenders have reached out to her and invited her to join them in attending town hall health care meetings.

Fromme, who has not been following the news, said that she was a little overwhelmed by the outpouring of invitations but that she would consider attending. Her lawyer quickly added that her presence -- as a former would-be assassin and follower of Charles Manson -- was in no way meant to be construed as coercive or intimidating to the politicians holding the events or the other people attending the town halls.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

FDA Cites Eyelash Lengthener as Progress in Drug Approval Process

Stung by criticism that drugs are not making it to the marketplace fast enough, the Food and Drug Administration on Monday cited the speedy approval of Latisse, a drug that leads to fuller, longer eyelashes.

The drug was originally sold as a glaucoma drug. But one of the side effects is that it leads to additional eyelash growth. In a release, the FDA noted its "swift action" in making available an "essential drug for the millions of women who suffer from overly short or thin eyelashes."

Allergan, the maker of Latisse as well as Botox, the wrinkle-reducing drug favored by celebrities and others seeking to remove evidence of aging past adolescence, echoed the FDA's sentiments. "No longer will that delicate area beneath the eye be unshaded from the sun," said Allergen president of research and development Sam Winters in a statement.

Although Botox lacks an official celebrity endorser, Brooke Shields has signed on to endorse Latisse.

Some skeptics have questioned the need for a drug whose primary purpose is cosmetic, undereye shade coverage notwithstanding. They cite drugs to fight cancer and AIDS as being more pressing medical priorities that the FDA should direct its resources towards. But Allergan has insisted that its drug fills an important societal need.

"It's a shame that Tammy Faye Bakker was never able to benefit from Latisse," Winters said, referring to the Christian singer, television personality and ex-wife of disgraced televangalist Jim Bakker known for her false eyelashes and heavy mascara. "But at least now millions of every day women like Brooke Shields can now benefit from this groundbreaking drug."

Aung San Suu Kyi Cited In Contempt of Court for Sneezing

RANGOON, MYANMAR -- Pro-democracy leader Daw Aung San Suu Kyi was sentenced to an additional year of house arrest Tuesday for sneezing during her sentencing.

Suu Kyi had received three years of hard labor for an unusual incident in which an American, John Yettaw, swam across a lake to her villa. She allowed Yettaw to spend a couple days at her house after he claimed exhaustion. The military junta found her guilty of violating her house arrest, even though she did not at any point actually leave her house.

Perhaps anticipating the vociferous criticism such a sentence would evoke, the leader of the military junta reduced Aung San Suu Kyi's sentence to 18 months and changed it to house arrest. But during the reading of the reduced sentence, Suu Kyi sneezed, causing the judge to declare her in contempt of the court.

Suu Kyi's lawyers tried to claim that she had gotten a cold after living in less-than-ideal conditions in prison for the past three months, but they were ruled out of order.

She has been been under house arrest for 14 of the past 20 years. Her crimes include winning a 1990 election for prime minister.

The Burmese government issued a statement in defense of the additional year of house arrest. "Contrary to claims that this is a 'koala court' Ms. Aung San Suu Kyi received a full and fair trial," the release said, apparently confusing the koala with Australia's other well-known marsupial animal, the kangaroo. "Such an obvious display of contempt could have qualified her for five year's of hard labor so the court displayed extraordinary generosity by only giving her one year in the luxury of her house."

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Popular New Diet Relies on Different Color Each Day

A new diet sweeping through Hollywood circles relies on eating only one or two colors of food each day depending on the day of the week. Such celebrities as Jennifer Anniston and Gwyneth Paltrow have reportedly maintained their trim figures by adhering to what is being called the "Color Wheel" diet.

Red foods are reserved for Monday, followed by orange on Tuesday, yellow on Wednesday, green on Thursday, blue or purple on Friday, brown or black on Saturday and white on Sunday.

"It's easy to remember and it means my clients don't need to deny themselves anything for longer than six days," said celebrity nutritionist Alexis Chamoff. "It's tastier than macrobiotic or vegan and lets you have more carbs than the Zone or South Beach."

Part of reason that the diet keeps the pounds off, Chamoff added, is that most people can eat only so much orange, carrot and pumpkin in one day before they decide to just stop eating. In addition, the color of the food must be natural and not involve excessive food dyes, thus eliminating most junk foods. The most popular day is Saturday, when steaks, peanut butter and chocolate are permitted as part of brown/black day. One of the more challenging days is Friday, when eggplant, grapes and plums constitute the bulk of blue and purple food consumed.

Celebrity restaurants are catering to their clients by having specials that coincide with the color wheel. Wolfgang Puck's Cut steakhouse, located in Beverly Hills, has always been popular for its Kobe beef. But it is also getting raves for its newly added menu items, like lemon served five ways (sorbet, curd, jam, souffle and candied) and three course pre-fixe "snowscape" of jicama and white asparagus salad, halibut with mashed potatoes and coconut trifle.

Chamoff, who claims credit for the diet, says that a book will be forthcoming with a preface written by Madonna. Kirstie Alley, who previously served as a spokeswoman for Jenny Craig, has expressed interest in taking on a similar role for the Color Wheel.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Annie Leibovitz Turned Down $5 Million North Korea Photo Shoot

Famed celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz, whose recent financial troubles have been publicly documented in the media, turned down a lucrative offer to shoot President Bill Clinton's successful visit to North Korea to obtain amnesty for American reporters Euna Lee and Laura Ling.

Although the White House and Clinton's office made clear that the former president was going strictly as a private citizen for humanitarian reasons, Clinton's visit was considered a big coup by North Korean President Kim Jong-Il.

A photo of a staid looking Clnton seated next to Kim surrounded by members of his delegation was quickly distributed around the world. That picture is a far cry from the artistic shots that the North Koreans had proposed to Leibovitz, the acclaimed Vanity Fair photographer responsible for some of the most iconic shots of recent decades.

Perhaps her most famous was a 1981 cover for Rolling Stones magazine of Yoko Ono being kissed by a naked John Lennon. The picture was shot mere hours before his death. She also made waves a decade later with a pregnant, naked Demi Moore Vanity Fair cover, and most recently last year with a shot of teenage sensation Miley Cyrus, who appeared to be naked save for a bedsheet.

The $5 million in cash purportedly offered would have come at precarious financial time for Liebovitz, who is being sued by Art Capital Group. The company lent her $24 million last year and Leibovitz had pledged her properties as well as negatives and rights to her photographs as collateral.

Among the scenes proposed were Kim and Clinton surveying, from the palace balcony, thousands of North Korean soldiers marching in quickstep below. Another was Kim and Clinton -- both golf aficionados -- on the golf course, with Clinton serving as Kim's golf caddy. They had also suggested a shot of Clinton and Kim enjoying Korean barbecue, surrounded by a dizzying display of panchan (little dishes filled with kimchee and other eye-wateringly spicy foodstuffs).

The North Koreans are first class when it comes to propaganda, said a State Department official, but that's with their own people. In their mind, the "Leibovitz treatment" would have upped Kim's glamour quotient with the rest of the world, where they don't have the advantage of controlling all the newspapers and television stations.

When Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes wanted to introduce Suri Cruise to the world they gave Leibovitz exclusive access, letting her shoot at his Telluride, Colorado home. That came after months of less-than-kind tabloid rumors about Suri, which the photos of the black haired baby mostly dispelled. Clinton's visit to North Korea could similarly have served as Kim's coming out party.

Still, even though Leibovitz has shot foreign leaders -- including Queen Elizabeth II -- she was not interested in shooting Kim, even for $5 million, citing a policy against photographing meglomaniacs.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

'Birthers' Say Hawaii is a Foreign Country

As polls show a majority of Americans do not believe the claims that President Obama was born in Kenya, Indonesia or Mars and therefore is not an American citizen, the so-called birthers are now conceding that he was born in Hawaii but refuting that Hawaii itself is part of the United States.

"They speak a foreign language there, and it doesn't even make sense," said birther leader Orly Taitz. "Aloha -- it means 'goodbye' and 'hello' or even 'I love you' depending on the tone. That's just like Chinese."

"Just go over there and you can see that most of the people there are Asian," Taitz added.

Though physically apart from the continental United States, Hawaii was admitted into the union on August 21, 1959, nearly two years before Obama's birth on August 4, 1961.

Among the reasons given as proof that Hawaii is not part of the United States was that it was clearly a developing country as evidenced by natives who shimmied up coconut trees and the lack of clothing necessitating grass skirts.

When one journalist tried to point out that the Polynesian Cultural Center was not indicative of how all the residents of Hawaii lived, he was accused of being part of the "liberal elitist conspiracy."