Saturday, August 1, 2009

Unexpected Flight Upgrade Highlight of Woman's Vacation

A woman returning to Los Angeles after a seven day Caribbean cruise with her husband and two children admitted Tuesday that the unexpected upgrade to first class on her flight from Atlanta was actually the highlight of her trip.

"It was amazing," said Kris Anderson, age 54. "I loved boarding first then watching all the suckers in coach file past. I could see in their eyes they were wondering what made us so special or rich that we were willing to pay three times as much for our seats. I tried to play it all nonchalant, like I was just tired of traveling and ready to be home."

Anderson actually paid nothing for her upgrade, which was the result of Delta overbooking the flight. They gave away her seat in coach -- 29B, a middle seat -- but because there was an empty seat in first class they offered it to her.

Her two children, both teenagers, sat with Anderson's husband, Michael Anderson, in row 33.

The flight capped the end to their vacation to the Bahamas via cruise ship. They had paid only $699 per person after seeing a last minute deal on Travelocity. Anderson said that her family was disappointed by the small size of the cabins and grossed out by a cockroach they saw scuttle out of the cherry jello at the buffet. And she also got tired of her daughters' bickering.

Anderson reveled in her first class status by going to the bathroom reserved for first class passengers multiple times. Although they had eaten lunch prior to arriving at the airport so they would not have to pay for overpriced food, Anderson still ate the free meal.

"They served our drinks in an actual glass, not some flimsy plastic cup," she exulted. "And the pasta had portabello mushrooms in it, not just canned ones."

Anderson also took advantage of the free headphones -- which would have cost $2 if she sat in coach -- and the extra large fleece blankets -- which were not offered in coach because of concerns over flu, according to an on board announcement. "I asked a flight attendent why we got blankets if they were so concerned about passing around swine flu and he kind of smirked and said that was just a way for headquarters to cut costs."

The highlight of the trip came when they offered dessert -- ice cream with a coating of dark chocolate. "It was as good as the tartufo I once had at the Olive Garden," Anderson said.

Friday, July 31, 2009

'Bills for Bikes' Program to Follow 'Cash for Clunkers'

The White House will announce a new "Bills for Bikes" program Friday following the unexpectedly overwhelming popularity of the "Cash for Clunkers" program.

The latter program provided up to $4,500 credit for car buyers who traded in high emission, low mileage vehicles and purchased more fuel efficient ones. One billion dollars had been provided for the program, which was expected to last until Nov. 1 or after 250,000 cars had been sold, whichever came first. The program began July 24.

Car dealerships and jalopy owners are holding out hope that additional funds for the program will be forthcoming.

But in the meantime, the White House hopes to entice motorcycle riders with a similar program. Motorcycle and scooter riders who bring in their two-wheelers will get $200 in cash if they buy a new bicycle or a Segway. Although Congress has not appropriated any money for the program yet, the White House is expected to reallocate money from the large Defense Department budget and justify it with a roundabout claim of national defense and reducing oil consumption.

Bikes have zero emissions and Segways have no emissions when operated though they do require an electrical recharge. But they still are three times more efficient than the highest mileage scooters, according to the company that produces them.

A White House aide speaking on the condition of anonymity because the program had not yet been announced said that it had bipartisan support. Reps. Earl Blumenauer, D-Ore., Jack Kingston, R-Ga., avid bike riders, and Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., D-Ill., a Segway enthusiast, will join President Obama in announcing the program Friday.

They had originally planned to have the lawmakers circle around the White House garden before the press conference but changed plans after worries that the bike-riding lawmakers would crash into camera equipment or that the Segway in action would look too dorky.

The program is expected to cost a scant $50 million, or the equivalent of 25,000 bikes.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Distilled Spirits Council Lobbies for Own High Profile Happy Hour

After seeing the boost to beer brought on by President Obama's meeting with a renowned scholar and a Cambridge, Mass., police sergeant over various American beers, the Distilled Spirits Council has begun a furious, behind-the-scenes lobbying campaign to get the commander-in-chief to publicly partake of hard liquor.

Obama met on Thursday with Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr., and Sgt. James Crowley. The president drank Bud Light, an unsurprising choice given that it is the best selling American beer. Gates, apparently also watching his calories, went with Sam Adams Light, a Massachusetts-based brew, while Crowley indulged in a more exotic Blue Moon, a Belgian-style beer produced by Coors. Vice President Joe Biden, a last-minute addition, was forced to partake the non-alcoholic Buckler as a public service nod intended to avert criticism that the event was a pro-alcohol public relations coup.

A White House source said that Obama's favorite brew is actually Schofferhofer Hefeweizen, a German wheat beer. But that particular libation was ruled out because "the name was unpronounceable and because of the pretentious way you're supposed to swirl the bottle when you pour it into a glass. It would have been a bigger public relations disaster than him waxing on about arugula."

In addition to drinking, Obama also sought to deflate the biggest race-based controversy of his presidency. But the biggest winners were the beer companies, particularly Bud Light producer Anheuser-Busch, which was acquired by the Belgian-Brazillian beer company InBev last year. His consumption of that one beer is the equivalent of five Super Bowl commercials, said one euphoric Anheuser-Busch marketing executive.

Mindful of that free publicity, the Distilled Spirits Council has been intensely lobbying for Obama to partake of a mixed drink, such as a martini, in a similarly high-profile setting.

One possibility is for Obama to have a martini with England's prime minister, Gordon Brown, according to a source at the council. An even better public relatious coup would be if he could drink a "Vesper" martini with James Bond actor Daniel Craig. That drink includes gin, vodka and vermouth. Even though James Bond has a decidedly British origin, the United States's close relations with England would make such an indulgence forgiveable.

"The White House has made clear that pina coladas, margaritas and mai tais are out. No umbrella drinks or anything that's too girly or has a funny sounding name like screwdriver," said the Distilled Spirits Council source. "A gin and tonic is a possibility."

Hard liquor isn't the only alcoholic beverage seeking favorable publicity. The Wine Institute, a California-based wine advocacy group, is trying to persuade Obama to imbibe some locally grown wines when he meets with lawmakers to discuss the health care reform package. They are leaning heavily on two key Democratic Golden State lawmakers -- House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Energy and Commerce Chairman Henry Waxman, whose committee oversees the health bill -- to persuade the president to partake.

In addition to being a boost to the domestic economy, the wine advocates are stressing that drinking red wine in moderate quantities can help prevent heart disease, and thus is an appropriate drink over which to discuss health care.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Al Franken Tries to Form Senate Detectives Fan Caucus

Fresh off his highly publicized grilling of Sonia Sotomayor regarding fictional defense attorney Perry Mason, Sen. Al Franken, D-Minn., has announced that he will be forming a Senate Detectives Fan Club Caucus.

Franken said the intent of the caucus was to raise awareness of television's and literature's great detectives and provide a forum for discussion over which were the greatest. He wants to hold monthly trivia nights, murdery mystery dinner parties and set up games of "Clue" on long nights when lawmakers must stay past dinner.

During Sotomayor's Supreme Court nomination hearings, Franken noted that growing up they both watched the show with their families. Technically, Mason was a defense attorney, but every week with only one exception he would prove that his client was innocent as well as identify the guilty culprit. Although Sotomayor was deftly able to handle questions from GOP senators about her "wise Latina" comment, she failed to name the one instance in which Mason didn't win.

Caucuses are typically formed to raise awareness of issues as well as to advocate for legislation. Franken said that he wanted to garner support for a "Supercool Fictional Detectives Day" but Oklahoma Republican Sen. Tom Coburn said he would filibuster any such attempt. "Tom said it was a frivolous waste of Congress's time, but we pass resolutions congratulating Pee Wee league teams. We even have a National Lighthouse Day on August 7," said Franken huffily.

Technically, there is only one officially recognized caucus in Franken's chamber, the Senate Caucus on International Narcotics Control. Franken's caucus would join the couple dozen other unofficial caucuses.

Because Franken is the most junior senator, his clout is minimal and it will be hard for him to distinguish himself legislatively, said Thomas Mann, a congressional scholar at Brookings Institute.

"He's one of hundreds of voices on the health care debate and he's at the very bottom of the totem pole," Mann said. "I can't say that a caucus to boost awareness of detectives who aren't even real will be consequential for the country but it's certainly a way he might be able to draw attention to himself.

Franken said he'd been polling other senators about who their favorite detectives are. A couple of female senators are attracted to other female detectives; Sen. Stabenow, D-Mich. cites Jessica Fletcher of the television series Murder, She Wrote, while Sen. Barbara Mikulski, D-Md., said Agatha Christie's Miss Marple was her favorite.

Children can sometimes play a factor. Sen. Blanche Lincoln, D-Ark., the mother of tween twin boys, said that the tales of Encylopedia Brown and the Hardy Boys were favored books series during their childhood.

Columbo, whose namesake character was played most recently by Peter Falk, was a popular choice, cited by Sens. John Cornyn, R-Texas, Sherrod Brown, D-Ohio and Orrin Hatch, R-Utah.

But it was a Brit, Sherlock Holmes, who garnered the most support, with ten votes, according to Franken's informal poll.

Yet no one would cop to liking Dame Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot as their favorite, "probably because of his ridiculous mustache and overall fussiness," said Franken.

Some newer detectives made the cut as well. Sen. Joseph Lieberman, an Independent from Connecticut who caucuses with Democrat said that he liked Robert Langdon of Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons, both of which were adapted into movies with Tom Hanks playing the lead role.

And Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., said that Dr. Cal Lightman of the new Fox series "Lie to Me" was his favorite. Lightman is based on the real life Paul Eckman, a pioneer in the study of emotions and facial expressions. A snide GOP aide said that if Kerry had half Eckman's ability to read emotion he might not have lost the 2004 presidential campaign so badly.

Franken is not the only freshman senator who wants to form a caucus that might have limited appeal. Sens. Roland Burris, D-Ill., and Ted Kaufman, D-Del., have apparently discussed forming a Senate Placeholders Caucus for lawmakers who -- either by choice or for other reasons -- will be ending their term soon. Burris and Kaufman, who replaced Barack Obama and Joe Biden by appointment after they assumed the presidency and vice presidency, have announced that they will not be running in the 2010 election to take over their seats.

Burris and Kaufman reportedly extended an invitation to Republican Kentucky Sen. Jim Bunning, who announced that he would not be running for re-election due to insufficient funds. Bunning's fellow GOP Kentucky senator, Mitch McConnell, also the most powerful Republican of the Senate, had offered less than lackluster support for Bunning's reelection campaign.

An aide to Burris said that the invitation was not well received and that Bunning turned red, growled at them, and threw a stack of papers at him. "He is a baseball Hall of Famer so he can really throw," said the aide. "Kaufman got a vicious paper cut."

MTV Movie Awards to Give Prize for Best Weight Gain

Hollywood starlets who pack on the pounds for art will have the opportunity to compete for a golden popcorn trophy at the 2010 MTV Movie Awards: Best Weight Gain.

The network already includes unconventional categories that have never been contemplated by the more staid Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and the Hollywood Foreign Press, which hand out the coveted Oscars and Golden Globes. MTV bestowed 2009 trophys for "Best Kiss" to Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson for Twilight and "Best WTF Moment" to Amy Poehler in Baby Mama for peeing into the sink.

The rationale for best weight gain, which will include male and female categories, is to honor thespians brave enough to purposely and authentically mar their images for their work. Fat suits will be an automatic disqualifier unless they are deemed to add less than five percent bulk to their bodies. That means that Gwyneth Paltrow's turn in Shallow Hal as a 300 pound obese woman would not qualify, nor would Julia Roberts's flashback to her chubby days in America's Sweethearts.

Examples of possible past winners include Renee Zellwegger for her turns in Bridget Jones's Diary and the sequel, as well as Sylvester Stallone for Cop Land. Zellwegger twice gained around 30 pounds to play the title character and is considering doing so again for a third Jones movie. The famously fit Stallone gained 40 pounds to play a paunchy local sheriff in a role that brought him significant acclaim.

Actors who added inches in this year's movies include Denzel Washington in The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 and Meryl Streep, who portrays Julia Child in Julie & Julia.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Sotomayor Avoids Controversy In First Day of Hearings

Despite protesters' best efforts to derail the first day of Sonia Sotomayor's hearings before the Senate Judiciary Committee Monday, her path to become a Supreme Court Justice appeared clear.

The first interruption was by Norma McCorvey, better known as "Jane Roe" in the Supreme Court abortion case, Roe v. Wade. Since the landmark 1973 case, McCorvey has switched her views on abortion and become staunchly anti-abortion. As new Democratic Sen. Al Franken of Minnesota began his opening statement Monday, McCorvey started yelling, "You're wrong Sotomayor!"

Judiciary Chairman Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., tried to gavel the room to silence. But as the Capitol police officers moved to arrest McCorvey and another anti-abortion protester, nine people sitting in seats reserved for the public and clad in black sweat suits unzipped their jackets, pulled out guitars, violins, trumpets, a vihuela, a flute and a guitarron and started playing Cielito Lindo, a popular mariachi song.

It was not immediately clear the intent of the group and whether the musical interlude was intended as a sign of support or opposition for Sotomayor. But another member of the public, apparently unrelated to the group, yelled mockingly, "Is that the kind of music you listen to, oh, wise Latina?"

The mariachi band was soon escorted out, as was the unidentified male referencing Sotomayor's controversial remark that "I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life."

Some conservatives have used that remark to label her a "reverse racist" and charge that she engages in identity politics.

As senators switched from opening statements to questions -- with Democrats asking laudatory rhetorical questions and Republicans skeptical rhetorical ones -- new members in the public seating section suddenly stood up and started chanting, "You can't mend it so end it!" Clad in pink, they were easily recognizable as members of anti-war group Code Pink.

Sotomayor has not ruled on any cases involving the Iraq War, but Code Pink has been disheartened by Obama's slower-than-hoped for withdrawal of troops from Iraq and the increased military presence in Afghanistan.

The nation-wide audience for the Sotomayor hearing proved irresistible to the group, as it did to two men in the last half of the hearing, who stood up on chairs and started kissing and groping each other. Although Sotomayor's back was to the PDA-inclined couple, a visibly distracted Sen. Jeff Sessions, ranking Republican of the Judiciary Committee, interrupted her testimony and demanded that the two men cease their inappropriate behavior.

One staffer for Leahy was heard to sigh to an aide to Sen. Herb Kohl, D-Wis., "Great, someone trying to make a point about gay marriage."

But the motivation turned out to be primarily commercial. After being physically pulled out of his liplock, Sacha Baron Cohen yelled effeminately, "Everybody, come see my fabulous new movie Bruno!"

Friday, July 10, 2009

Pilot Detours to Iowa After Passenger's Disparaging Comment

A United Airlines cross country flight from San Francisco to Boston had an unscheduled stop in Des Moines, Iowa, Thursday after a pilot decided to make an emergency landing after hearing a passenger's disparaging remark about "flyover country."

According to the co-pilot, the pilot heard a man in business class say to his traveling companion something to the effect of, "Thank God we were able to change to this direct flight. There's a reason it's called flyover country."

"I had gone to the bathroom when he overheard the remark but when I came back he was totally steaming," said the co-pilot. "He was muttering something about how he was sick and tired of coastal elitists looking down at salt of the earth folks. I didn't really pay attention to him, though -- I just nodded, because he was always getting agitated whenever he perceived someone dissing the Midwest or South."

The pilot, whose name has not been released, is a native Iowan and recent divorcee, according to sources.

According to shaken passengers, the plane began its descent an hour and a half before expected, with little comment from the cockpit other than a request to "fasten your seat belts and bring your seats to an upright position."

"The flight attendant didn't even have time to come by and collect my cup and pretzel bag, so I just stuffed it in the seat in front of me," said May Davis, 64. "When we landed the pilot said, 'Welcome to Des Moines, Iowa, where it's a beautiful 83 degrees.' We were all scratching our head and even the flight attendants looked really confused."

According to the co-pilot, the pilot started fiddling with the controls shortly before reaching Iowa and said that they might need to make an emergency landing, even though "from as far as I could tell everything was working fine. But when I tried to tell him that I didn't see anything wrong, he flipped out and questioned my credentials. I wasn't really sure what to do but I didn't want to start a physical altercation with him so I figured so long as we landed safely, everything would be okay."

The pilot has been suspended without pay pending further review of the alleged mechanical problems and is undergoing psychological testing. The plane's so-called "black box," which records all communications in the cockpit, has backed up the co-pilot's side of the story.